Let My People Know

"Being married is not like being in court"


Wearing a mask is not only a way of being integrated within a wide society, but also a device used in close, even intimate relationships. 

Years ago, a young woman came to me just before her wedding to ask a rather practical question about her marriage. 

The young woman had recently become an observant Jew, but mentally and emotionally she belonged to the 1960s. 

We somehow entered into a long discussion about life and about her picture of married life. 

Because she was one of the flower children, she had a vision of an ideal life that would be based on complete frankness and openness. 

I told her that being married is not like being in court; you are not swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 

You don't need to make a full clinical revelation of all your past experiences.

Some things you can skip. 

About half a year later, I met her husband, and it was obvious that she had not listened. 

It was clear how hurtful that was. 

She not only told the truth about what she thought of him at any given moment, but also about her past life. 

I could see that the man could not bear so much truth.

The positive power of a mask is that it is sometimes protection for the self, and in other cases, it is protection for others. 

In order to maintain a social life and to be a caring person who is not destructive, we have to wear masks. 

It is possible to kill a person by saying something in a short, curt, naked way, or to spare someone by conveying exactly the same information in a different format, covered in wraps that make it bearable. 
–Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz
From Simple Words by Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz