Whatever the object of love may be, the question is always: what do I love?
Do I really love the object, or do I love myself, and just want to gratify my desires by means of the object?
This problem is very well recognized in the realm of erotic or sensual love.
Does one really love the beloved as a person, or is the love only a pretext to have sex with another, enjoying oneself by means of the other?
There are far more subtle cases.
For instance, some people say they love their children, but in truth, they use the youngsters for their own enjoyment.
This enjoyment may not necessarily be physical; perhaps they like meddling with another person's life, or having somebody to pet.
Either way, it is themselves they care for, not the children.
If I need an object, and I keep it in order to meet my needs, I am not really interested in the object, I am just interested in its usefulness to me.
–Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz
From Simple Words, p. 94, by Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz