Rabbi Steinsaltz was recently asked, in regard to finding a marriage partner, "How do I know s/he's the one?"
He responded:
Love is an emotion.
In marriage, we give this emotion structure.
A key obstacle to marriage is the inability to decide.
Marriage is complicated and demanding.
The decision should not be completely emotional.
Marriage is not only about attraction – it is about compatibility.
Do the wishes and dreams of one match those of the other?
Is there an intellectual common ground?
Are there common interests?
One should avoid a marriage that begins with reasons for dispute, disagreement and division.
Of course, we don’t know the future, and sometimes not even the present.
We can never be sure, even when we feel sure.
We must be willing to be together in good times and in hard ones.
And also: it is always helpful to say a little prayer before making decisions.
–Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz